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Old 01-30-2011, 03:40 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hi Koifish,

First - {{{{hugs}}}}

It's a tough position you are all in. Not many people have a lot of experience dealing with this type of thing and therefore everyone stumbles, fumbles, gets confused, hurt, angry......on and on.

I'll TRY to offer something in case it can help everyone.

When you have someone (a loved one) who is dealing with serious illness it's a difficult thing. You feel their pain and want to make it all better. And you hurt along with them. And get scared. If it's bad enough, or for a long enough period of time, you often find yourself slipping into a 'caretaker' role.
Now this is all fine and well as a profession because there isn't that intimate emotional connection. But it's extremely difficult when there is. You don't get to punch out and go home at 5 to a normal life ! Before long you find yourself in a documented state of what's referred to as "caregiver burnout'. Now you have TWO sick people.

The only good solution to this involves calling in reinforcements. Your SO has kind of done that with your GF. She's helping with his stress and burnout. But YOU also need someone. And by that I mean you need MORE than your SO ! And your GF's energy is kind of already mostly used up.


Who else can you bring in ? Do you have any family or really close friends ? Even a visiting nurse/caretaker situation. Check with your social service agencies. Often times there are even volunteers standing by to help in situations like this. Even if you have to spend a little money it's worth it (if any way possible) because the toll it will take on everyone long term will far exceed money.

Your situation seems/is really beyond poly concerns - it's a different issue entirely. The fact that you guys are exploring poly just confuses things. Keep your apples & oranges separate.

I hope things turn around for you soon. Repeat the mantra often....."this too will pass" - and believe it !

Get some more players on the team !

{{{more hugs}}}

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