When the hottest thing ever is the worst idea ever
I have a BDSM play partner with whom I've been scening with in person for the past few months (we've been talking online/on the phone for a year). We've decided that our relationship is Domme/sub, not girlfriend-boyfriend; we're not having sex with each other; and we are free to have outside relationships. A major aspect of our dynamic is that we aren't part of each other's lives (eg. I tell him that he's my "dirty little secret"). It is super hot.
I also have a friend with benefits, and we have a DADT policy (with a promise to always use protection).
This is fine for now, but maybe some day I won't be an emotionally constipated grad student, and when that day comes I might want a boyfriend. However, I can't continue playing with Sub under our current rules if I want to honestly and ethically be in a relationship that has a level of sharing beyond what I have now with Frienifits. And even if I were to disclose, I don't know that "I have a submissive but you can't ever meet him and I don't want to talk about him ever again" would go over well with most folks.
So naturally, I take this hot mess and turn it over to the Internet. How do I have my cake and eat it too?