Hey again FlameKat...I just read a bit of your previous posts to garner some info on where you are at present.
I'm reminded of the pantene ad "It's won't heppen overnight, but it will heppen" (sorry kiwis - that was a poor attempt at putting your accent into written form...)
Change can be painfully slow...and it is dreadful to hurt people we love - it's a really hard thing to go through.
I think it's really important to not be too hard on yourself in this regard. Sometimes we can be so desperate to get to where we want to be, we create such a wondeful picture of what that may look like that we just want to jump straight there...
But it's the little steps forward that are the really importants ones, rather than the massive leap. Little steps are fantastic, and we really should start to value them more....they can get overlooked when we're looking for a big leap.
Taking note of how important they are gives us some "success stories" - which we all need...Putting value on little steps gives us positive reinforcement and people who have left an abusive relationship needs lots of positive reinforcement. You can give this to yourself by valuing the little steps you have taken. They may not be leaps and bounds, but they are truly impressive...Really, really impressive.
I also believe that paying attention to the little steps can be important for another reason...we may take a little step onto a path that actually leads us to something different to where we thought we were going. We can be too focused on the destination...and end up missing the journey - yeah, that's bit corny - sorry !
In some ways, it is actually the seesaw that is the thing that really counts...as when it dips down we may feel a little (or a lot of) pain, and learn a little lesson (or a big one).
wish you luck on your journey