"Are we real"? Well...Define "real" please. I FEEL real....And if you ever get to Clearwater Florida, you can come here to meet my wife and I in person. We're actually kinda nice. (Unless you deserve a spanking!
How do we "identify" each other in the "wild"?....Well...I've often wondered this myself. But let me tell you a quick story: I was at work one day. A fairly new job, mind you. Onlyu been there for about 2 weeks or so. My wife and I are openly poly and have no issues with who might know. I mentioned to my supervisor that my wife had a date that night. He said "Oh, so you need off early or what?" I asked what for....He said "So you can go get ready." I told him nope. She's going with her boyfriend. He said "Oh yeah? So you guys are like that too huh? My wife and I have a girlfriend. In fact, if it wasn't for our kid, I think my wife would be an all out lesbian! haha." I was floored. I engaged in an open conversation about how l,ong they had been living like this, and how they came to meet their unicorn. He was very open with his information and asked me a lot of questions regarding my wife and I's dynamic as well. It was somewhat refreshing.
It has been my experience that as long as you aren't trying to shove it down someone else's throat, they are usually pretty receptive. (Unl;ess you live in the bible belt. LOL) Some have told me that's not for them, and I agree with them that it doesn't work for everyone, and that they probably shouldn't delve into it. Once you give them a beter definition of "Polyamoroy" and "polygamy" and "swinger".....They usually calm down a bit and get inquisitive. It also helps to let them know that you're not trying to "hook up" with them. LOL
My advise? Be open and honest about what you are looking for. Go into relationships as you would normally. When someone asks about your significant other and how that works, explain to them that you SO is fine with it, and if they would like to verify, they would be happy to meet and give the ok.
A word of warning: Single guys are usually not looking for this dynamic. Usually, they are simply looking to get laid. If that works for you, then great. But if you want a deeper connection....Well, proceed with caution.