I don't know if this will help any.. but my own experience with this ended when I was finally pushed over my limit... I had for years said that if he hit me again, I would be gone.... but I never left... until I had reached my limit -
my limit was reached by refinding myself through new friends, and old - restoring my knowledge in myself that I deserved better... i had to KNOW it as a GUT REACTION...
and one night he hit me again - actually it was a long drawn out over 18 hours period of abuse that ended with me fleeing through a storm to a friend - hopefully your friend doesn't need this sort of a wake up call... just the fact she is looking for help is a good sign... now she just needs to get that GUT reaction happening...
she has to get past being indignant, surprised, shocked, she HAS to get to cold hard anger, to the "how dare you" the "fuck this shit" attitude
the very absolute best of luck to her... and to you Red in trying to help her...
Smile! It makes people wonder what you've been up to
Engaged to my sweetheart, WaterWolf