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Old 01-29-2011, 02:36 AM
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ray ray is offline
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So, since I've never really dated anyone, I started getting apprehensive when Valentine's day began to loom in the near future. My senior year of high school, a platonic male friend of mine and myself went on pretend date to the local corner store and had hot dogs. It was fun. But I digress. Because O doesn't really keep track of time, dates, holidays, anniversaries of any kind, he doesn't usually think to talk about it beforehand. Dates (meaning memorials and anniversaries/holidays) are very important to me. Our relationship is somewhat ambiguous. We don't use the boyfriend/girlfriend label since A isn't okay with that. On the other hand, we're definitely more than friends with benefits. Then there's the fact that we don't have sex (A, again). We don't celebrate anniversaries. We spend a lot of time together and we're emotionally close. I am mostly ok with the setup but I'd be lying if I said I was totally ok with it. I respect it because I really value being with O and I'd rather put up with the red tape than not be with him at all. We would like for things to be able to go further but A is simply not comfortable. I figured that they would have plans for V-Day (which they do) and we are a Vee so I don't really want in on those. But I knew that I definitely wanted us (O and I) to do something. So, tonight I finally worked up the courage to ask him if we might be able to do something for Valentine's day. I hated that I even had to ask. I wish sometimes that I was in a relationship where I could assume that they would do something for me for V-Day. It's not like I want someone to buy me a fucking pony and a rose garden. Just to be able to celebrate what we feel together. I explained how I wasn't sure what I should expect given how he's not really my boyfriend but he's not just a friend either. He said that he thought a date (just the two of us) would be pushing it (likely from A's perspective). He asked me to think of what I wanted to do/have. And I just felt at a loss for anything. He'd suggested flowers and chocolate but I mean I'm having blood sugar issues so why the hell do I want chocolate....and I mean, it's kind of cliche. And I'm a quality time person so I immediately thought of getting to spend some time alone. I didn't immediately jump to 'date.' But it would be nice. I'm kind of ranting but I could use some thoughtful advice and suggestions for what you might do. I mean, he did say he'd do something, but I still feel incredibly shitty and uncertain about what to think. Blargh. I wish that valentine's day didn't matter to me. But it seems that it does.
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