Partner's going away for the first time with someone
hey all -
I'm in a serious long distance relationship with my partner who lives across the country - we see each other every six weeks or so and just came off a really wonderful visit together. We don't use the term primary, but we are both very significant in each other's lives and don't anticipate that changing anytime soon.
He has a lover where he lives and they have been dating each other for about six months. I like his lover, have spent time with him and have had great conversations with him.
This past summer we were all at an event together for the first time and my partner disregarded an agreement we made specifically for the event while the two of them were together. I was hurt, he apologized profusely and immediately and it took some time and healing to move through it. I admittedly showcased some old negative freak out behavior patterns which didn't help either (playing out my old insecurity, fear, crusty hurt) and it strained their relationship and ours. However, I feel like I have been doing some deep work and we did some deep work when he was here in Dec/Jan and I do truly believe we are in a new place. I feel really good about where we are and where I am in the process.
My partner and his lover are going away for the first time together for two days tomorrow. I am supportive of the trip, since my partner just got back from being four months on the road (and away from his lover) and is leaving again for another trip (not to see me, but for self-exploratory reasons for 10 days). His lover asked him to go away to spend some quality time inbetween and he wanted to go. I am supportive and want them to have a good time and yet, here's my thing - I'm not sure how I feel ... I don't feel jealous or envious really, I just had a good amount of time with him and I have a lot to do in getting ready for a major trip I am taking next week, I am not angry, I am not really anxious, maybe just a bit because this is new and strange and I'm not sure how I will feel in the midst of it ... But mostly, I feel fine. Im not sure how much we will communicate while he is away and I think I'd rather him go and not communicate, then communicate while he is there, but I don't know. He said he'd like to hear from me and I should feel free to contact him but I sort of want him to do his own thing and not have any expectations around that. We have a phone date set up for when he returns.
Anyway. Now I'm rambling. I guess what I am wondering is, how do others deal with this feeling of not being able to identify how you feel - or am I feeling something and just stuffing it? Or am I really OK like I think I am?