My turn now.
If I may? It's not so much that redpepper (and others) "dislike the concept of rules". It's that she (and others) see "rules" as something that people do because they haven't processed and overcome the underlying reasons for WHY the rules seem necessary.
You say you're trying to protect your kids. I don't think that what your wife is "allowed" to do with her boyfriend has anything to do with "protecting the kids". I think it has to do with protecting your ego. If you and your wife are on the same page as far as what's in the best interest for your family, you shouldn't NEED "rules". What you SHOULD do is get on the same page with each other as far as what you both believe to be in the best interest of your family. Then, "rules" are not necessary because you TRUST EACH OTHER to make the right decisions. Then "rules' are upgraded to "boundaries" where you don't have to make a checklist of specific things she "is allowed" and "is not allowed" to do, but rather instead, you TRUST HER to think things through and say to herself, "Is this in the best interest of my family? Yes, no, maybe I should talk about this with my husband... this is something I haven't anticipated, etc. etc."
Doesn't that have a better mouth-feel than, "BLARGH! Your boyfriend can't drive my sporty sports-car because what if the neighbors find out!"
(IMO, if you don't trust someone, you shouldn't breed with them, but just because I haven't "bred" with anyone, doesn't mean I don't know anything about trusting someone. Kids merely provide a convenient excuse for a lot of things people don't feel like confronting.)
Last edited by NeonKaos; 01-28-2011 at 07:21 PM.