hi there, take a breath and know that YOU are okay... anything that you feel and think is okay. It is almost certain that people on here can relate to what you are going through.
Take some time to read here and get comfortable with your feelings through other peoples stories of their journey. That could really help... if you check the search engine and do a tag search, you will come up with lots of good stuff.
You have come to a really good place where people are willing to help you get through stuff as best as they can... its okay to be vulnerable as we can almost always relate in some way as we are on similar paths.
Take care, and welcome.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM