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Old 01-27-2011, 10:54 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

First of all, I hear that you are hurting. I get that... are you fucking kidding!? I've heard this kind of tone from Mono, so don't think what you say is shocking to me, or the way it is presented. Yours is a typical response from a man that is not poly trying to understand his partner who is.

Your "rules" are fine at this stage in your journey. Quite valid. I would suggest however that they are a given to your partner at this point, as she know you, what has transpired and your home situation well enough not to go there. I would think that her feelings and yours on the matters you laid out would cross each other out... or at least they should as the rules you lay out make perfect sense for the beginning stages of a poly relationship... that being said, I am not her and I can only speculate.

Eventually things soften and become boundaries for new to poly folk. As do primary/secondary relationships and a bunch of other stuff too that isn't necessarily in need of writing out here. We all start some where and "rules" is a typical start. At least its something to be in control of.

I would suggest that you look long and hard at whether you are done with her and you life with her... do your best to empathize with what she might be going through, go over what she has said are needs for hers, ask her for answers to questions not brought up yet, give her a chance to state her case one more time and then decide. If you, at your utmost core, still love her enough, start finding a way. Most of us here have done that and are working on it... you are not the only one.

(I didn't actually grit my teeth. I smiled and shook my head in relation to conversations I've had with Mono. I've been here too long and read to much here to invest in anyone beyond writing a post that may or may not help. All I do is offer my thoughts and use the wisdom I have gained...

I used to take it all in, now my friendship investments emerge out of rubble here and I have no expectations of being liked or appreciated. I just continue supporting and empathize as much and as best as I can. I don't become overwhelmed by every slam and disagreement that comes my way. I am willing to talk about just about anything, but I am only willing to become emotional when I have a relationship with someone... the only time I become emotional in a negative way on here is when I am effected by my own life, not the person who pushes me. Hope that makes sense...)
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Last edited by redpepper; 01-28-2011 at 08:58 AM.
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