A word of advice from someone who has been there, if I may (yes, I've been married, not married, monogamous, poly, jealous, open, and the whole shebang.. ): before you make "rules", try and figure out your needs. If you know what you really need from a relationship, it's much easier to figure out what you can and cannot accept. Sometimes, a need can be met by much less than what you may think (hence, the "not in my shoes" edict) and sometimes, a need is not really much more than an "I want!" that comes from a place of insecurity and fears that need some personal growth/work that have nothing whatsoever to do with your partner.
A little less judgment and a little more openness work very well in the poly world (heck, in any world), and, for that matter, what *other* people find necessary or scary are really not our business to judge.