Hello, my name is Jen and I've been reading a lot the past week on this forum and finally decided to register, introduce myself and see what advice I can get!
I'm 30, been married almost 7 years to the love of my life. Before we got married I was a very sexual person. I had been involved in a couple of threesomes, both MMF and FFM, and enjoyed them. More than that, I felt connections, attraction, and even love with them.
A few years into our marriage my drive seemed to dramatically decrease. I don't know why, I'm very attracted to my husband and enjoy him thoroughly in the bedroom, he's very attentive to my needs. I always blamed it on hormones and kids (we do have two children), but since no longer being on b/c, pregnant or nursing, it still continued along that path.
We have talked before a few times about having another male, or female in the bed with us if the right situation were to come about. He said it would totally turn him on if it were a female, but he thinks he would be jealous if it were a male. I told him I would be okay with a female, but didn't think it would be fair if it only worked one way.
Fast forward to last weekend, and he had a friend over that has been over several times, I consider him practically family at this point. I've always found him somewhat attractive, but each time he comes over, that attraction grows. We all had some drinks, and were all flirting. When we went to go to bed, I asked hubby if I could kiss the friend goodnight. He said yes and friend and I kissed until hubby said, "okay.. okay".
Something about this moment just hit a button with me. After that we had incredible sex all week and I'm still turned on by the whole situation and have been thinking about it a lot.
We did have a couple of conversations about it. I told him how I felt, and that I didn't feel like he wasn't meeting my needs, I don't know why it lit such a fire, but it did. It's not that I would want any guy, but I trust his friend, and I feel a connection with him. He eventually agreed that maybe we could give it a try once and see how it goes but he doesn't sound like he really wants to. He did say that he thinks watching me with another man would make him jealous. From what I read on here, that is a natural feeling, and it's how he deals with that feeling. We discussed that there would need to be boundaries and if we decided to go ahead with it, we would need to set those before hand. He did say it was something that would only be once in a long while.
While I feel like things would be more comfortable if it were a separate relationship, I also feel like that would increase the jealousy issue.
I want to bring it up more with him, but I don't want to push the matter. He's not one to get angry, he's the most laid back person I've ever known, but I don't want to stress our otherwise perfect relationship or even worse, hurt his feelings. There isn't a woman in our life right now that really fits the bill for what I/we are looking for so I don't want him to think I'm being unfair, the right opportunity just isn't there, where as for a man, there is.
I would never leave my husband for anyone. I would never do anything with anyone without his permission. He's the perfect man for me, but sometimes my heart aches to love. I feel like I get plenty of love, I don't feel like I'm missing anything there at all.. but I feel like I can give so much more. It wasn't until stumbling across this site that it hit a chord with my feelings...it honestly brought me near to tears. I don't know how to explain/relate these feelings to my husband or how to get him to understand... or how often I should bring it up without pushing it too far.
Feeling confused. Any insight would help. How do you "come out" so to speak.. as poly? How do you know if that's what you are? How do you come to terms with it if your SO is not?
IF you made it through, thanks for reading.