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Old 09-04-2009, 05:36 PM
XYZ123 XYZ123 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 369

You can call me by XYZ123 (my son made up the name if anyone ever wondered) or by C, as I am not yet willing to totally expose myself. I am 30 years old, about 5'4", blond and hazel eyed.

I live in NYC with my husband N, our amazingly intelligent and emotional 5-year-old son (We have no idea what we "did right") and a daughter on the way in Oct. My child(ren) are my life. We are also animal lovers who have a dog, cat, and chinchilla and would have more animals if our apartment weren't so small. Living in NYC is nice if you want something to do all the time, but as I was born and raised here, I'm over it. Now that we have a growing family we hope to buy a house outside the city within a few years. I'd move to the West Coast, but Ns job requires him here, so that is the compromise. Suburban life.

I am bisexual and have known this since about high school, but repressed it until only about 9 years ago. I started a FWB relationship with a woman because it was "safer" than trying to form a true loving relationship. I found it to be very unsatisfying in regards to what I was really searching for.

I've also been poly for as long as I can remember, though I never had the word for it until N gave it to me. Any relationship with a male I had took on the expectation of monogamy even if monogamy was never discussed or agreed upon. So I thought there was something wrong with me when I would feel deep emotional connections with others. Often, this led to cheating and the break-up of my original relationships. Over the years I found myself in abusive relationships with men, emotionally, physically, verbally, sexually. Looking back now I wonder if I chose these men and chose to stay with them as long as I did due to a feeling of being bad and dirty about my poly nature and because cheating on them wouldn't be so terrible if they "deserved it". Luckily, that is my past and I am dealing with it and my present is so much brighter.

N and I have been together about 7 years. We have been married for 3. Unlike any other relationship I had been in, we started as open. It was somewhere between FWB and an open poly relationship as we were more than just buddies and had known eachother nearly 10 years, but each were dating someone else. I began as his secondary and he chose to leave his other gf and ask a mono relationship with me due to some of the abusive things she had been doing to him over the years. He had always been poly but said he wanted to try mono and wanted to try with me because he had never fallen so hard for anyone. For my part, I had never had anyone accept me for who I was and still love me enough to want a long-term relationship.

We stayed mono for years but our relationship struggled. Most had to do with being terrible at communication (we had both been through abusive relationships), and being thrust into parenting very soon (I was pregnant within the first year as a mono couple) and too young. We both had alot to learn. Very little problems were related to our poly natures, but they were there underneath.

About a year after marrying we nearly divorced. With nothing left to lose, we finally began to talk honestly about everything. And we are so glad we did. Everything came out on the table, years of misunderstanding and dishonesty and hurt...but that is a different story. One thing that came out was my bisexuality and our original poly natures that had been repressed for so long.

Six months later, and with our relationship happier than it had ever been, I began dating P. She was his long-time friend and he had been trying to set us up for years thinking we'd be perfect for eachother. For awhile, we were. We formed a V (or an N since she had a male partner, but one who was only a FB and refused to meet us) physically, but a triad emotionally. My two loves fell into a beautiful loving friendship as I fell in love with her and realized I loved N all the more for it. This was all in the winter/spring of last year. Without getting into detail, that relationship crashed and burned leaving me scarred and P out of our lives by her choice.

I am still tending to wounds, working on keeping the wonderful relationship with N that I have, and open to another woman coming into my life. I am not, however, looking. I am also not interested in other men.

I have had more jobs than I can remember, though most had to do with working with children. Right now I am a SAHM. If I had any spare time I like writing, painting, sculpting, traveling, reading, and being a student of humanity (which I have a love/hate relationship with). I have a degree in Developmental psych and hope to finish my Masters in the near future, though I am undecided on what to do with it.

I'm outgoing, friendly, energetic, and intelligent most of the time. I do have bipolar disorder though, which contributes to times where I am the complete opposite and a misery to be near. But I work on that constantly and am always trying to open my world to new friendships and ways of thinking.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.
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