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Old 01-26-2011, 02:41 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,187

Originally Posted by sohuman View Post
Hey - my husband of 10 years and I are new. I actually hate the internet for anything personal but have never laid eyes or ears, let alone any other body part, on an actual poly person. If you are a real actual poly person reading this, hi.
You probably have met poly people. There are no scarlet letters nor ID tattoos to set them apart from the crowd, though, so they appear much the same as anybody else you'd run into.

My question: how do "we" identify each other in the wild? Do we even try?
Some folks only look in places where other poly folk are likely to be found., for example, is a dating site on which poly folk can be found in abundance. There are local poly groups to be found in many places, and some folks only look to those groups to meet new partners. Some look to discussion sites such as this one.

Others simply meet interesting people and then sound them out as to whether or not those people are open to the idea of dating a poly person. If there's sparks, there just might be the possibility of a fire.

Given how pervasive mono is, isn't it more efficient to attempt to convert prospective lovers, than to try to identify and choose from among the perhaps five other poly people in one's tri-state area?
I'm not certain that conversion is possible. Introduction to the concept may only make sense to those folks with some predisposition to multiple relationships. Thus, it's not a conversion as much as it's an awakening.

He wants to know: how do poly people become poly in the first place? Did most of you start out mono and have that not work, did you know it from the start of your sexual life (like one would know one was gay), or did more of you just fall in with a poly crowd?
The whole idea of only being able to love one person at a time just never made sense to me. I found myself as a teenager quite smitten with multiple girls at the same time; that was a pretty constant state.

He is worried that there are just as many poly a-holes as there are regular a-holes out there. I think/hope the ratio might be a bit different.
Are there people involved? Then there are assholes.

(Note: it is perfectable acceptable to curse on these boards.)

So, in sum: if you do actually exist, do you also think as well? Cause that would be really something. Especially on the internet.
Nope. No thinking allowed.
When speaking of various forms of ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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