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Old 01-25-2011, 02:33 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post
As I write this, the situation that caused this flare up plus the issues it triggered may or may not have completely destroyed our entire household in one fell blow. ...............
Sorry to hear that Man,

But I think that's one of the reasons I suggested coining a term and using it. There's something about labeling something that takes the harsh edge off it. It's human nature. Once we feel we understand something it makes us feel we have some handle in controlling or at least managing it. That takes away much of the fear. If we feel (and believe) we've traveled this road before and come out the other end alive - maybe even better- for it, it's easier to take a deep breath and dig in. Confident we can do it again. And like any other skill, the more we do it, the better and more efficient we get at it.

I think it would lead to better conversations with our partners if we were all on the same page with this. It's much easier to look at someone and say ..."I think we may be suffering a bout of IFU here. Why don't we let it drop for a bit and have a coffee/tea/drink and think back through what we did before that made it better". Get some emotional detachment for a bit and look for some clarity.

Often when this happens we discover what it was that ACTUALLY triggered the flare-up and, at least in my experience, we discover that it's external to our lovestyle and should have no bearing. The boss reamed us out. We had a minor car accident or close call. The kids have been monsters. Someone said something that hurt our feelings. The external sources are limitless ! But our brain has a tendency to make faulty inferences until we take the time to clear out and make the right associations.

No different than when something happens in the world that makes us sad. We call it out (I'm feeling very sad right now), explain it, take some time to work through it (again), and get past it.
Same skills.

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