Thread: making rules?
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Old 01-25-2011, 05:06 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,672

First of all, calling them rules might be the problem. To me rules are static and confining... no room to move. Quite a few poly people call the boundaries as they are fluid and movable and adjust as you go along. Really its a matter of just starting to talk. Start negotiating and see where she is in regards to where you are. Then start working towards a boundary by inching forward until you reach a place where there is some comfort. Usually there is a compromise made where both of you are giving something up in order for the other to be happier... this means that you are not done yet usually. I suggest digging deeper at this point to find out what the core of your needs are like "I need to feel that you want me around" or "I need to spend the evening with you every Tuesday" whatever... be specific to YOU until you are at a place where you have a boundary.

This should all ease your jealousy also... if you are jealous in not knowing that she is out with another man then really delve into what you need from her around this... a phone call, a text at 10, her to come home to you, a date night the next night... I don't know, only you do.

There have been some good suggestions on here on where to look to get more info, I suggest that you do a search in the tags to find threads that relate also... that and the stickies.. look under search and then tag search and find the tags you are interested in in the tag cloud. I would suggest, "lessons" "foundations" "jealousy" "boundaries" for starters.
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