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Old 01-25-2011, 04:57 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,703

Originally Posted by aslesa View Post
i don't know about him having a total "stand alone" relationship with out me being at least in some way involved. that IS scary for me to think about actually. we are all friends which makes it a bit easier to swallow but if he wanted to cut me out totally i don't think that would be mentally ok for me at this point.
do you see how this could be seen as hypocritical? You want gf 2 to yourself, but he isn't allowed the same thing... or at least you wouldn't like it? Why should you have partners that are just for you and he not... a one pussy policy so to speak..

I am not a big fan of casual sex or relationships based on sex first, love and connection after. It's just not my poly... Just so you know I have done that and ended up in a jealous, crazy, and a losing it mess where I felt like I had no control and had given myself away entirely. I had nothing special left to give or share with others, because it was all on the table, bed, ...couch,,,...

I don't know if you are like this, but perhaps you develop connections through sex more than you think? Or perhaps you just clicked with her by mistake or at random and the fucking was all just part of knowing everyone on a superficial, fun, sexy level where you can all say I saw you naked and fucking... I dunno...

It sounds like the whole thing might be about how you relate to women too. The two women seem to be closer than you are and that perhaps relates to friends you've had in the past where you felt left out. I struggle with that. I got left out a lot and then just chose to not get close enough to care. To this day I am unable to be friends easily with women in a triad situation... it only works because I don't invest in them or make an effort to be in it.

Is there any way you could talk to them all and set some boundaries about your relationship structure? It sounds like a free for all to me and that "partner" is a lose term. Perhaps you are ready for something a little more serious and less about fucking.

As for your man? If I were him in the situation that you describe I doubt I would take you seriously. Why would he? It's always been a free for all before, why should this be different? This is the impression I get... everyone is a sex toy in the situation you describe, feelings, connection and really being attracted to a person for their inner being didn't seem to come into play at all. I would of shrugged you off too.
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