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Old 01-25-2011, 12:59 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
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privacy....

I was reading another thread and saw that they were talking about how much of a new relationship (that is starting as a V dynamic) is any of the other "leg"'s business.....

This is an interesting issue that pertains to different approaches to poly.

I think it's one of those potential problem lines in poly-because it would be easy to misunderstand what your S.O. expects to be shared, versus what they don't expect, versus what they don't WANT shared.
AND
What the new person is comfortable having shared, or isn't....

Personally I've found that it makes a HUGE difference how well I get along with the oso-how much information I'm ok with them having about me.
If we (she and I) don't have an emotional intimacy of friendship.... I'm not ok with Maca sharing personal info about me. On the other hand, if she and I do, then I find that I am much less defensive about what he shares in regards to me....

At the same time, I feel great concern for "her" in regards to her being able to have a sense of privacy and not feeling like everything that they do will be detailed to me explicitly if that bothers "her".
If I do have that friendship with "her" though-I enjoy hearing about their endearing moments. Not that I NEED to hear them, but it's..... like a soft, cuddling feeling when I do.

This came up in my mind for me this week. I was having some aggravating feelings, and I went and read a few of the old emails Maca had sent to another woman. I didn't do it out of a sense of "what did you write you fucker". I did it becuase I just love the way he talks to her, reading it gives me the warm fuzzies. It was reassuring that yes, this man I love, even though sometimes he and I are off base-he really is this sweet, loving, romantic and caring man....
But-I mentioned it to him and he got bent out of shape. I mentioned it to her as well and she didn't seem bothered by it. But-she never seems to be bothered by things. SO I'm not positive.

At any rate, I can see where this could prove to be a problem regarding "different approaches". I can see how in my ownself I have different approaches depending on the depth of relationship I have with the OSO, so I imagine this could get REALLY messy!!
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