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Old 01-25-2011, 12:21 AM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,412

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
A lot of people have a hard time understanding that some people want to live their life with a philosophy of intimate freedom. Usually that is because they are inclined or conditioned for monogamy so anything else seems wrong. I understand the opinion and think it is valid in plenty of cases of what I consider artificial polyamory (where one partner merely keeps an existing relationship going for security and comfort but doesn't actually "love" them).

I also know this is not the case in many other cases. Some people are inherently selfish and others are inherently loving. You are an inherently loving person.

Opinions and ideas get skewed by our own thinking. For example, lots of poly people associate my boundaries with a fear of losing you or insecurities relating to sexuality. This opinion is understandable and logical in the community we live in..and yet completely wrong and inapplicable to how I feel. This is only a problem if I choose to engage in debates over it. I have no need to engage in debates over irrelevant ideas of why I am a certain way and this frustrates people because they don't believe what I say. Fair enough...I just don't bother, not everyone has to understand.

I admittedly suffer from this frustration in trying to understand the need of people to take every relationship to the area of physical intimacy or even to have that potential freedom. I don't question it though or look for "why it is wrong"..I simply accept it without understanding and try to give as much of myself as I can with genuine purity. Knowing when that is healthy and when I am unhealthy or less than genuine is the key.

I don't ask "why" anymore..I just know how things work and accept that sometimes change happens that leads people down different paths to be healthy.

It seems to be completely appropriate to question why people have certain boundaries (do you really need those boundaries?) and challenge them to push those.... but it is taboo to question why someone has certain needs and push them to challenge those (are they really needs or wants?).

The thing is....why we have boundaries is not important unless our motivation is to remove or increase them...nor is why we want certain freedoms unless we are trying to expand or suppress them. The only thing important is that they both exist and we try to find a way to accommodate both in a healthy manner. Sometimes, this simply can't be achieved. Not everything is workable. But that is no reason to throw our hands in the air and surrender...because who knows what we would miss out on in the process and the future is never certain...things and people change
Hi I'm new here and read yo9ur first two paragraphs and was saying yes that's what I'm facing I think . the selfish staying with me, the meaning of the word Love etc, then it turned to a more personal code not sure I know now. Is this idea of condition of monogamy is this supported by the mental health community. Over the weekend I had sometime to think and this pain I feel is part of a guidance system that was installed from day one so as to avoid things that are unhealthy for us. Its the like sight , smell, etc.. So when I hear well jealousy is part of so lower function of a persons brain I think like taste. No one would try to desensitize them self from salt. The use of these behavial modifcation techinques just seems a little wrong. well I could be way off ... These could been the cold talking.
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