Thank you all so much for the encouragement and advice--I'll do my best to integrate it into my actions.
The "I'll totally lose him in a few years/ah god he's just playing me for sex" thing is slightly toung-in-cheek, just voicing neurotic insecurities. He's never given me cause to think in that way, but I just go right ahead and freak myself out in direct spite of fact or reason. I want him so much, I assume I can't have him, that something--anything--will get in the way. I think it's a vaguely Catholic viewpoint that enjoyment must be paid for with suffering. Haha, have a prediliction for the melodramatic, apparently, both me and my shopping lists.
Thanks again for the space to vent. Can't talk to family about this, they disapprove pretty deeply for their own reasons. It's nice to indulge in at least the verbal company of the non-judgemental and knowlegable.
Vodkafan and Ladyslipper, y'all are too sweet. Thank you very much.