Originally Posted by lostfairy
So it appears that my freaking out about an emotional polyamorous relationship was unnecessary, but I'm glad to have heard what everyone has to say. I think much of it still applies to a mostly sexual relationship with others, and I will still be growing and overcoming insecurities. I feel much more confident now, though.
This is how I felt for some time until I realized that it was all fluff. The first times with people other than my husband were fun and exciting and made me feel sexy. It was weird to see him with others and weird to be with others and I had a great time seeing how I reacted to it all. After a time though it became normalized and when that happened it became hollow and shallow. The women were not bi and were having sex with me out of curiosity and to turn on their male partners. The men were simply objectifying my body and using it to masturbate into. I thought I had some depth with a couple that I went away to visit. I told them that I was starting to care about them as friends but they wanted to keep things very surface and discouraged conversations about anything other than when are we going to our place to fuck you? In fact of all the experiences with swinging I had I can't think of one time I didn't end up feeling dirty, used, unloved and that my love was thrown to the wind.
I won't even go into the lack of safe sex I witnessed when women got drunk and their partners weren't looking!
Please realize that this was my experience and I know for a fact that for some couples "swinging" is all that they want because it is quite simply easier. Poly is damned hard and I sometimes wish that I were made to be able to "swing" rather than have the capacity to love others. I don't have that and am happily doomed to love people with as much as I can muster.
If this is what you want and all you need then all the power to you, but don't do what I did and get your heart hurt because you think it might be easier and less effort. I can tell you, in the long run, the damage that you may have to over come from your experiences might make it harder! Remember that you can just try this on and if it doesn't fit, take it off again and try something else.
You never know though, this couple that you met might make your next quad,