This sounds so complicated! I struggle with that immensely. I like tied up packages not torn to shreds piles. Sorry, I realize that I really want to help and say something useful, but I believe I would probably say what I think I have already said to you Karelia and that is perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to move someone into your home that you don't know well enough.
Maybe she should move out and your primary relationship be worked on. I'm not saying that perhaps you should dump her, just that there be a chance to start again. I know that sounds harsh, but I can't think how the communication issue be solved if your husband is not participating in it getting better... and the whole sex thing....? sheeeesh. So much to wade through. It makes my head spin!
I don't see what you get out of this and really feel for you.
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