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Old 01-24-2011, 02:27 AM
Catfish Catfish is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: America's High Five
Posts: 300

Because I cannot possibly be enough for her, I will look for "clues" that she is seeking fulfillment somewhere else. Many studies show that whatever the brain looks for, it will find.
So true. There is a fine line between intuition and confirmation bias.

When attacked by the painful feeling of unworthiness, before it stimulates a cycle of obsessions and revenge motives, ask yourself out loud:

"What can I do to feel more lovable and adequate?"

Just uttering the words will make it clear that devaluing, belittling, hassling, or punishing your loved one is unlikely to make you feel like a lovable and adequate partner.
This advice alone has been the key to overcoming my feelings of jealousy. If you feel like you're not enough, that likely means that you are not enough... for yourself.

Focus on compassion, not trust.
This is a tricky bitch for me. I am the trusting sort and, while I totally get that in the throes of jealousy compassion is more powerful than trust, that has always been my secret weapon. The idea that I'm not confident enough to rely on my trusting nature is very disarming to me. I can't trust my trust? Fuck.

Follow the self-correcting motivation of simple jealousy. Be more compassionate, supportive, cooperative, and loving. Be mindful of the assets your partner brings to the relationship. Think of what you can do at this moment to make your relationship stronger.
Check, check and check.

Thanks RP. Good stuff.
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