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Old 01-24-2011, 12:40 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
1> Jealousy and envy are two very different things and have to be addressed differently and with different tools.

2> Jealousy is a FEAR based protective response. We are FEARFUL of LOSING something we value (usually highly).

3> Envy results from feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. We think life is a competition, relationships are a competition and that we don't have what we need to compete successfully.
I'll have to disagree with this.

Jealousy is the fear of losing something, yes. What drives it is most likely a feeling of insecurity. In that, we agree.

Envy is wanting what somebody else has. It may or may not be driven by feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. Indeed, one can feel envy without ever feeling inadequate or insecure.

Quote:
Fear of loss can only come from something we feel we've WON ! Something we have some 'ownership' claims to.
I think that's a nonsensical notion. We can certainly lose what we expect to have available without ever having "won" anything. And it has nothing to do with feeling ownership of anybody.

I expect my wife to hang around because she tells me she enjoys my company. I didn't "win" her company any more than I "won" the friendship of my best friend from high school. I certainly don't feel I own either of the two.

So the idea that fear of loss can only come from feeling we own somebody else just doesn't hold up to examination.

Quote:
If this emotion can be removed so easily it was never there in the first place. Only a masquerade.
I also find this nonsensical. Emotions are sometimes fleeting and vaporous, lasting but a moment. At other times they can burn in the hearth of someone's heart for ages. There's no guarantee of longevity of emotion. With that in mind, to say that a short-lived emotion never existed strikes me as a bit absurd.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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