One difficulty is that we're primarily a poly-fi group. It's not that we aren't open to adding partners, we are.
we have 5 kids at home, so we aren't free to get out a lot, thus inhibiting the ability to have predictably time for anything less than INVOLVED in the family dating.
we aren't looking for just a simple sexual bond, we're looking for someone who would fit in with the family.
we're in a fairly isolated community, an hour from the only "major" social scene.
Our goal to integrate someone into the family combined with the need to take time to be sure that they are actually a FIT for the WHOLE family, seems to be confusing for some people.
The local poly's that we've met are very sex oriented; we love sex, but it's not the key for us. Having the ability to share great sex does not a great roommate make, nor does it make a person a great mesh for being around our children.
The primary issue seems to be the desire to jump in the sack as soon as it's established that there is a physical attraction. It aggravates the living shit out of me personally. It's pretty much a dead-end road if someone offers sex to me before we've established that we're friends AND that Maca, GG and Mimi like them as a person too. That just tells me that they don't respect ME for who I am, they may respect me as a person, but not for who I am.
When it happens with Maca, it makes me roll my eyes. He is very strongly driven by NRE, but then it blows up in his face, because (as I said above) just because someone is a great match for sex, doesn't make them a great match for the family.
Fortunately-it's not an issue with GG, cause he's mono and it's not an issue with Mimi, cause she's not sexual with the three of us.
BUT-there is also the STD issue, because GG, Maca and I are fluid-bonded. It's flat fucking amazing how many people don't want to use barriers. Fucking ANNOYING. I'm thinking-seriously, you don't KNOW ME-what if I HAVE AIDS (which I don't, but how do they know?)
"Love As Thou Wilt"