Originally Posted by LostSailor
Ha! I noticed something interesting. A lot of my jealousy was aggravated by "exclusion." When she (meyesekrit) was with him, and I felt left out, my jealousy problem was horribly magnified.
Yesterday she was going to spend the night with him. She forgot the camera. He and I exchanged some e-mail and, not to drag it out, I went over, had dinner, shot some pictures of the two of them, and then had a wonderful first threesome experience. Voila, no jealousy, even when I went home and left her there.
So we'll see what comes up. Thank you all for the warm welcome! Now off to read more.
Understand this. Important. You actually know it but I think you are verging on falling into a common trap of confusing apples & oranges.
You have BOTH jealousy and envy showing up here !
Different approaches needed for each. Different understandings.
I think the biggest tiger here is envy right now. You enjoy the concept of here getting extra pleasure, but you are sometimes (or often?) left out. You'd prefer to be there, be able to witness and feel her vibes.
"Envy" - you want something you don't have !
That's perfectly ok ! See if there's an acceptable way to work towards getting more of it without harming anyone else ! I bet you can
It's quite advantageous to just say "Ok - this sucks right now- but I'm working on it. It WILL get better"
"Jealousy" - that you mentioned more in your first post.
You feel jealousy when you are afraid. Afraid of losing something. Afraid of being moved out of a place you like and are comfortable. Naturally this surfaces when you are feeling weak & vulnerable. Stress from any direction can do this. Not only cloud our thinking, but inside we realize we may be walking some knife edge and are in danger of slipping over in some fashion. It often plays out in relationships because we realize that we aren't "fully present" in that relationship and we realize that this full participation is the foundation. It's what keeps us connected. If we lose that connection we risk it slipping away.
Things that we might have shrugged off at another time seem that much more dramatic. The fear builds. We get all confused ! It can become a snowball headed down slope ! More fear - more confusion and bad judgement/choices. On and on !
Stop the snowball !
What seems at risk of being lost ? Is that risk real ?????? What will prevent it from being lost ?
What actions might increase the chances of it being lost ? Don't take those actions !
Different approaches for different emotions.
Keep clear - you'll be fine.