Thread: Just saying hi
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Old 04-29-2009, 02:13 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
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This will be quick I'm afraid, but I will try to give you a more complete answer later.

In short..YES.....You had better believe I feel jealousy!! But let me quickly expand on this as it does tie into another two posts of mine in the New to Polyamory forum. You might want to read the Fear of Loss and also my post explaining my mono/poly relationship with Redpepper.

Let me be clear I have 100% compersion towards her incredible husband. He has given me a gift as well as her and I only hope to honour that. I love doing things to make them closer. Their relationship is paramount and if I begin to threaten it, my love for Redpepper will have to be reshaped for my own well being.

I do feel a little jealousy towards her other intimate friends but through meeting them and seeing their concern and genuine friendship with her it is bordering pure compersion as well.

The bulk of my jealousy is tied up in relationships that have not formed yet!! Figure that out?! Primarily the unknown scares me..where will I fit in? My god he might blow her mind in bed and she will think about him when we have sex! (actually. now that I think about that it kinda really annoys me..hmm) His penis could make mine look like a child's in comparison! I could go on and on with the list of concerns! Such a waste of energy but soo real to me. Because I feel different as a monogamous person, I am constantly preparing myself for new relationships to enter her life. I feel jealous about the future..it's really quite pathetic actually

The big question is, is my jealousy overpowering my enjoyment in this relationship..absolutely not!! I am fully prepared to face my insecurities and jealousy head on. I love Redpepper immensely and she is the most trusted person I have ever known. I know she loves me immensely as well. I see it, feel it and never want to lose that.

This is not easy..especially for a monogamous nature to understand. But I don't need to understand it to love her with all my heart and accept that she loves me

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 04-29-2009 at 02:42 AM.
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