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Old 01-23-2011, 07:49 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,705

This situation with Mono and I is similar to that of my marriage to my ex wife. We were in a similar situation at the end of our relationship. It is in that she was mono and I was poly and we struggled to see how that would work for us being together.

Mono is worried and fearful that he is hurting me and that he is putting this boundary issue on me. He isn't, I am choosing it. He doesn't trust that I am healthy in this and that I won't make a decision because I don't want to hurt him.

That is so not the case. I have chosen this and I will until there is evidence that it is not the right choice. My ex and I were obviously on a different path, Mono and I have just begun our path together and it is so not the case that we are going in differing directions... so therefore I pick him... That doesn't mean I don't hurt and don't push a bit. I need to know ever now and then where I am at... because I forget.

On being selfish; It could be thought of (I had a PM to the effect) that I am being selfish in needing to have a husband, girlfriend, and boyfriend and still need more. This is a very mono way of looking at my situation and I have heard that before from some mono people.

All I ask is that my relationships expand into what they are naturally able to become, not to have another person like Mono or Derby in my life. I don't have time and can't give another the attention they deserve, but if I am to spend time with people at all I would like the freedom for it to become what feels good for us. That could mean anything.

I am being asked to control that and to suck that up. Anyone who is denied the right to be themselves is going to feel as I do at some point no? At some point that might not be healthy or sustainable for us. Right now it is and I will go with that yet still question and bring it up now and then to be examined.

Mono and I have been talking on his blog too btw. This is the link post #64... to #76 or more....
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Last edited by redpepper; 01-23-2011 at 07:51 AM.
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