I read the 5 Love languages, at your previous advice, about 3 months ago and it did shed some light on things for me. We have been apart since before I read the book, but I think it has helped me keep things a little better glued together from afar.
Unfortunately for my situation, her secondary language is physical touch. Not easy from this distance. I think it may have had some impact on where we find ourselves today, what with the sacrafices a military wife has to make. I still chuckle at times when I think about how none of the things that bother me between W and P have anything to do with what she does with her body. She could be making it with the mailman, milkman, garbageman, and the plumber, all at the same time for that matter, and it wouldn't bother me.
It is sharing her time that is hard for me. I'm sort of a sufferer of "White Kinght" syndrome, and being on the sideline while someone else "rescues" her..... it eats me up pretty bad. I know it is unstable to need someone to NEED me, and I'm trying to work through that. Leftovers from being the oldest son of an abused mother, I'm guessing.
But I digress. Wow. Sorry about rambling aimlessly. The point I originally meant to get to was that I read the book, and requested that W read it as well. I do not know if she has yet. I think she was pissed at me for reading it after someone else recommended it because she had mentioned it to me about a year prior.
I've a nasty record of ignoring W's advice. Another thing I'm working on.
Originally Posted by redpepper
You seem to be asking for daily emails, some loving words, and attention to your needs for closeness when you can't have that physically. Am I right?
Yes, but I haven't been direct enough about it. I'm very passive, and tend to take what I get rather then demand what I need. I worry about asking for too much, being unreasonable.
I'm also still wrestling with the "making myself happy" paradigm. I've been trying to figure out the difference between "being happy on my own" and "being happy without my spouse". It seems a catch 22. If I am truly happy on my own, then why would I need anyone else?
I guess it comes back to a conversation W and I had about want and need a few months ago. She said to me ,"I don't need you. I want you. Isn't that better than needing you? It is a choice."
I didn't really get it at the time. I think I'm starting to see the light though. It just feels very alien to think of her as a person I want and not someone I need.