What really bothers me, is that I can tell that she is holding something back. I've known her for a very long time. The smallest of changes in her behavior stand out for me. I know that she has been struggling with P to get him to open up. He has been cautious with his heart, and that has been the fulcrum of an emotional see-saw for the last few months.
Now she isn't talking to me about Phil. She isn't talking about anything or anyone else either. The most reasonable explaination in my mind is that something has happened, or is happeneing, that she doesn't want to tell me about.
I've been spending a lot of time chewing on another concept. One that was impressed upon me here while I was asking for help while W was in California while I sat at home.
I often see on this site that the partner that is sad or struggling needs to "work on themselves" or "find their own happiness". While I understand the concept, where is the point of responsibility for the other partner.
Are we not supposed to try and make our spouse happy? Is my problem that I've too long put my spouse before myself, and that is why I am unhappy now?
W understands that her relationship with P is difficult for me, that I am still unable to accept it without pain. But she continues anyway, which means that she has decided to put her happiness first.
How can a marriage last if both partners put themselves first? I don't see how a relationship can continue like that. There are things I want that I have denied myself because I know that they would hurt W or make her less attracted to me. Do I pursue these anyway because they are what I want, and just hope my relationship survives it? It seems to be the method she is taking with me in regard to P.
The whole concept of not sacraficing for my spouse is foreign to me. The problem is that right now I feel like I am the only one giving anyything into our relationship. While she is doing a great job handling our buisness back home, and I appreciate that, putting effort into our buisness and putting effort into our relationship are not the same.
My love tank is on empty.
The more you judge, the less you love
The only common thread in all my failed relationships, is ME.