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Old 01-22-2011, 01:15 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,559

Hi! I don't have experience with what you're dealing with, but it occurs to me that you are focusing on a specific outcome (D. liking you and approving of the situation). I think you need to let go of that a bit.

Why you are inviting them over? Is it just to impress him? Having that as a goal will almost surely fall flat. Here are some ideas to keep in mind, which may help to calm you: To welcome this man, someone your girlfriend is fond of, into your home. To share with him (meaning let him see and observe) the affection you feel for her. To get to know him, and let him get to know you and your wife. To build a community. To break down barriers. Keep It Simple, Sweetie!

Just try not to think of it as your "chance to make him like you." You have no control over that, nor his resistance to the situation. He will either be on board, or he won't, and you just need to worry about being yourself, not convincing him of anything. Think of it as an opportunity to expand your circle of friends and declare your love for your wife and feelings for your girlfriend with someone new present. Beforehand, just remind yourself of all the stuff you are confident about in your life (accomplishments, abilities, etc.), notice how your body feels when you think of those things, and relax into who you are when you feel that way. You'll be fine as long as impressing him is not the goal.

PS - what does "TL;DR" mean?? I've seen it written here before and am puzzled.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 01-22-2011 at 01:17 AM.
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