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Old 04-29-2009, 01:03 AM
smilnlol's Avatar
smilnlol smilnlol is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
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Default absorbing your thoughts

Here are a few thoughts based on others comments:
So Quath and I have a healthy relationship. No really! This is a major reason Quath is "pushing" a bit harder these days. (This issue is causing some stress between us tho)
(JRiverMartin) "The first is having a solid enough loving relationship with good enough communication ..."( sorry I forget how to quote properly)
Why do we need other people if our relationship is healthy and satisfying? This made me question Quath's feelings about our relationship. Is he happy and satisfied? He says he is and I believe him yet the conflict it creates is hard to sort out.
My hubby has been "teaching" me about polyamory for about 6 yrs now. This isn't a case of new-idea-aphobia. I have really delve deep within myself to understand how I would handle this life style. I am not old but I am sure as hell not young. 39 : )
(JRiverMartin)"... is about subjecting our cultural conditioning and indoctrination...to self-honest rational inquiry."
This is so true but I have examined these annoying societal stereotypes already. I have read the Ethical Slut(ha) I have no preconceived notions about love and relationships. I just can't find a reason why he/we need this in our lives. Quath says he wants to have more love and intimacy in his life. I say you just want more sex (can I say sex?) He says no I want the relationship. My argument is if you want relationships go get more friends. lol Honestly, I think it is the perversion factor that propels Quath more than anything. It is not bad to want sex I just think it is intellectually dishonest to say it isn't 90% of polyamory. Not to offend anyone I also think that people in polyamorous relationships do love each other very deeply. I just don't want to pretend sex isn't a driving factor.

I don't think of love as a pie. I have two children that I love equally, therefore spreading my love around isn't a concept I have trouble with. I don't want to share my hubby even though I wish I could. I know how much he wants this in his life. It is hard not to give it to him. I don't want the responsibility of tell him no. I wouldn't want someone telling me how or how not to live my life. He is a grown man and should make his own decisions. Yes, he would have to deal with the consequences of his decisions (i.e. my feelings of loss and sadness) Ultimately, he needs to live his life and I will need to find away to adapt. He has had to adapt to the new puppy. lol

and I guess this life, opening myself to others, scares me. I hate dating : )

Thx,
Smil
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