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Old 01-21-2011, 06:48 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
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Originally Posted by MrRusty View Post
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I got the same "hit" from that post that Sage did. It seemed to me that MrRusty was saying that poly is definitely superior to mono, and that being mono is flawed in some way
Well, I value candour but please can you try not to be quite so condemning!
I wasn't condemning you! You have a right to your opinions, whatever they are! I was just saying that I had a reaction to what you wrote, similar to a reaction someone else had, and expressed for me what it "seemed like" you meant -- in the hopes of getting clarification. Quite often, what is posted online is misunderstood. There was no intention to condemn you.

Cindie, Sage, I guess I can see how you have got there but I am NOT saying poly is superior to mono, just that I am continually stunned by the amount of emotional effort my partner is putting in to letting me be myself even though what I do hurts her. I extrapolated that a lot of mono partners of poly people have the same scenario. They DEFINITELY have the bad end of the deal - how can you argue with that?

I am not sure that I - as a person, not representing all polys - would be loving enough to the same if we swapped. It's me that's inferior I believe.

Okay, perhaps 'bless them' was a bit patronising but please believe it came out of a heartfelt empathy for the situation of a mono who loves a poly.

Hopefully this goes some way to mitigating!
Got it. Much clearer now. I don't know if a mono would always necessarily agree that they have the "bad end" of the deal, however -- else why would they stay in a mono/poly relationship at all? Also, I would hazard a guess that it probably takes the same amount of emotional work for both parties in a mono/poly relationship, but each just has different issues or stuff to work on. I do understand better what you meant, though. Thanks!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:

Last edited by nycindie; 01-21-2011 at 06:53 PM.
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