Ceoli. I completely agree with your post. I have not met or been with any poly groups.. But have had an open loving relationship with a girl.
We might have started casual but began to care for each other.. and still do.. (we did date other people in between) Ofcourse, distance logistics changed that.. & the feelings..
We were both single.. unattached.. and were seeing people casually, semi-casually.. and then found each other caring & loving each other.. but still not bound into a Mono commit.. or expectations.. when we'd get to catch up or meet.. we'd be like peas in a pod.
There was almost no negativity or binding or expectation..
Originally Posted by JRiverMartin
As I continue to read in this thread, with full acknowledgement that I've blundered in without having read the whole thread thouroughly before spouting off, I keep thinking that -- for some, at least -- the problem amounts to the whole idea of "secondaries".
Some may enjoy and appreciate their "secondaries," and vice versa, and all can be happy in that PolyLand, but some "secondaries" or would-be-"secondaries" may not like to come in second -- and, frankly, I can't blame them. Who wants to be second when you might like to come in an equal first?
An equal first? Why, sure! Why not? Can't there be a tie?
What does it mean to love and be loved? It seems to me that it cannot mean that someone is "second best" or "secondary", if it is to be complete love, and isn't complete love what we desire?
Maybe some of us don't even know what complete love might be? Or why love must be complete for it to be love?
"Oh, sure, honey, I love you, but you are my "secondary," and I must love my "primary" just a little moreso." <----- Not an arrangement I'd sign onto if I wanted complete love, and what good is an incomplete love?
[Running for cover.]
That one in red.. One hell of a question..
I love that one.. Most people do not want the answer.. or are not ready for it because they are too stuck in their definition & understanding of it
I think part of the thing is COMPARISON. The so called primary wants to feel special compared to the new one. Boom! There goes LOVE.
Its like sibling rivalry. Asking the parent if they love child over another.
We bring that comparative control drama (Celestine Prohecy) with us..
We want to be first in the class, in the university, in the 100m race...
COMPARATIVE MINDSET. This is what the Masters say is the SEED of the MIND & THE EGO.
How can you love (as an action) the other ... You are already ONE with EVERYONE !!!
How can you distinguish between Yourself & the Beloved.. or another Beloved.
Harsh words.. but dont take offence.. Think about it...
The notion of Poly-Amory is false.. If we would like to LOVE one more and LOVE one less...
Might as well just SWING .. and find a Swingers or a 3rd wheel unicorn..?
Think about it.. Why does your SOUL want to add a 3rd to LOVE & not the just have SEX with..
But your (& partners) self protective FEAR based Mind & EGO.. not let you TRULY LOVE & SURRENDER to the 3rd completely?
Its the same thing in Mono.. where A is cheating on B .with C.. and A is stuck in mono limited thoughts.. thinking I can only Love B or Love C..
How can I be in love with both?
Difference is here.. Perception here is.. A.. wants a 100% v/s 0% grading.
Reality is.. A probaly has a X% & Y% Shift between both..
In the Poly thing.. for REAL AMOR (love) to exist.. It has to be not 70/30 or 60/40... not even 50/50.... Its about 100/100...
Love increases not decreases with sharing.
If in poly scene of 3 or more people.. There is a comparative, partial love mechanism... then they should question why... should someone be treated or even feel / percieve like the NEGLECTED CHILD.
Think about it..