Originally Posted by telesync
My wife and I decided to open our marriage up about a month ago. Since opening, I have been on three dates and she has been one. She was anxious as I related that one of my dates seemed like it could very well lead to sex. She was not ready for that. She needed time to process and she felt it was important for her to go first in the sex department. I agreed to this boundary and the clear distinctions of what constituted "sex." I understand the reason for these boundaries and they made sense.
Fast forward to THE date, and things got heated, but I kept my pants on and zipped. That said, I crossed the boundary and it was not the fault of my date. I came home that night and confessed to my wife that I crossed the boundary and took full responsibility. I apologized, gave her time to vent and be frustrated. But this has not gotten easier with time. She is very hurt that I crossed this boundary and now says she has problems believing my word and even looking at me.
While I understand that she is in pain, it is hard to continue to watch her feelings of anguish. I am starting to feel like she is the one continuing to fuel her own anger at me. Yes, I certainly broke the rule. But the rule was going to passed by as we both intended that opening the marriage would result in sex with other people as well as relationships. And I didn't maliciously cross the line. It was in the heat of the moment.
I love her dearly. I want to continue with my relationship with her. Our life, our family together is very important to me. She is my anchor. But it seems to me if she continues on feeling this way, the relationship can never heal. And I want to set us on the right course sooner, rather than later.
My question is, have you been on the other side before and what helped you move forward? What did the "cheating" partner do that helped you get past this or what might have helped?
Thanks for your answers in advance.
Maybe this is none of my business, but in what way did you break the rules? You say things got heated and you crossed a line, but you kept your clothes on with your date. How narrow or broad was your wife's definition of sex? Some rules are essentially setting yourself up for failure - hence why boundaries are a better way to go.
When I first started my relationship with Wendigo, there was one rule: no intercourse. At the time the relationship was purely BFWB and we thought it wouldn't go any further than that so there was no question we'd follow it. Fast forward a month or so and not only had we slept together, but we'd fallen for each other. Wendigo left our house in tears to tell Pretty Lady. She accepted that we'd had sex, but it took a few months( read 4) before she could accept the love. She really is a remarkable woman and I'm willing to bet that your wife is too and she just needs some time to adjust.