I would suggest that you do a whole lot of reading and searching on here; you and your wife. It sounds like she is going in relatively blind also. There are definite tried and true ways to go about doing things that you can try and see if they work for you. Others have gone before you and it all does get easier, more grounded and eventually normalized. You have just started... I have been doing this for 12 years. Take it slow, realize there is a big learning curve and start learning and educating others. You have come to a great place to get advice, support and to eventually give support to others if you like. Telling your story as it pans out can be really beneficial and rewarding... we are all in this together and all here to help.
I suggest that you start with a tag search of "lessons" "foundations" and read some of the blogs that people have written. Mine is about my life with my husband, child, and live in boyfriend... among other partners. There are many others with similar stories.