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Old 01-21-2011, 12:14 AM
Jade Jade is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: in a house
Posts: 189

I think, in it's simplest form, saying that you disagree and explaining how you think or feel about something is offering information for consideration. Telling someone, however, "you're wrong," whether intended or not, is a verbal dismissal. It provokes a defensive response. When we're in defensive mode, we are not listening, we're usually rehearsing our next line. In the end, unless you're talking something concrete like, oh... 2+2=4, it's a poor communication process. We're creatures of feeling. Working through difficulties requires validation of those feelings (even if they're wrong... sometimes especially if they're wrong).

Reflective listening can be a good way of getting through the "no" or "you're wrong" communication. Purposing to first listen, understand, and communicate back to your partner what you perceive... "I hear you saying xyz. Am I understanding you correctly?" goes a long way toward dissipating rapid communication fire and escalation of bad feelings.
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