Looking forward to hearing all the responses here and actually learning something.
My husband and I will be having a discussion and when he has a different opinion, he will say "No, ...", which immediately puts me on the defensive and what I hear is "YOU ARE WRONG!". He claims he wasn't tossing aside my opinion or trying to tell me that I'm wrong, but was just voicing his opinion, but that's the way it made me feel. Tone of voice and intensity of the statement can also trigger automatic defenses. I'm still working to get him to qualify his opinions as such. If I know upfront that he is just voicing his view and not trying to tell me I'm wrong, I can have a much more rational discussion.
I need explanations for almost everything. So when I ask him "Why are you doing it that way?" He hears "That's not the way to do that!" He immediately thinks I'm trying to criticize him. Truth is that most of the time I really want to know his reasons behind something, because I might be missing something or I just want to learn something.