Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
I am truly sorry for the difficulties you are having in forming this relationship. It is important to note that, beyond the "internal" fears I focussed on in my post, there are also "external" factors that may play a part. I do not presume to know the social circle of you or the guy involved so this is from my experience with the personalities I know in my social environment. I am military so things can be a bit rough.
Maybe you should have him read my posts just so he can see this from my perspective. Trust me, if he is not completely into this relationship he will be torn apart by it, possibly without you ever knowing. I am no expert but my opinions are based on experience, real and felt.
Thank you for your message. We are both about as non-military in our social circles as you could possibly get (myself probably more so).
I've chosen to back off and work on my own self, and let him come to me at his own pace. The only thing I regret is not having kept in touch with him throughout the past 20 years, and there's no way to change that now. I'm not sure if reading the messages on this forum would help, but if it ever appears to me that he WANTS to do so, I will certainly show them to him.
I'm reading the Ravenscroft book now (Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful). It's very easy to read despite the reviews. One can open it up to any page at random and engage... The only thing I dislike about it is the small print. This book is useful for ANY type of relationship or figuring out what it is that makes yourself tick.