Yes Nycindie it's on my blog but for LR and anyone else who hasn't seen it here it is again. Thanks for the zeromag article I'll have to digest it properly but I'm sure it will be useful.
The Mono Bill of Rights
* We have a right to complete honesty and full disclosure.(this doesn't mean we need details, or to be told everytime there is a text or phone call. I hope everyone here understands the difference?)
* We have the right to know that our safety, and the safety of any children we have is taken seriously. This includes physical, emotional/psychological and sexual safety.
* We have the right to meet, or at least communicate with our partner's other love interests if we choose.
* We have the right to respect from our partner's other partners, for them to respect our relationship with our partner and not seek to harm it, and for them to respect and adhere to mutually agreed-upon protocols and boundaries.
* We have the right to expect that polyamorous relationships are conducted in such a way that respects the financial structures existing in our relationship with our polyamorous partner, e.g. where joint funds are limited money should not be spent taking other love interests on vacation.
* Where our partner's ability to maintain other relationships relies on us taking on extra responsibilities we have the the right to expect a corresponding amount of time be given to us by our partner for ourselves and any interests we may have, e.g. we are not stuck at home and used as a babysitter while our partner is off dating, unless they recipericate.
* We have the right to expect that our normal emotional relationship needs will be met by our partner as well as extra support to help us cope with the added pressures of being in a poly/mono relationship.
* If we are interested in trying out another relationship for ourselves we have the right to do this, with a person of EITHER sex, and we have the right to expect our partner's support in this, just as we have supported them.
@RP: No this came up from someone new to a polymono relationship asking what rights they could expect. Like you I initially thought it's more about need and negotiation but it seems that in the early stages especially it is helpful for monos to have some solid guidelines.
Interestingly this brought up a non-disclosure issue that we had in our relationship that I didn't know about until last night. The justification was that I wouldn't have been able to handle it when I was stressed out still in NZ and Z was over here. He was scared that he wouldn't be around to calm any upset. To give him credit he had started the ball rolling when I was strong and didn't want to get into it when I was starting to unravel. But still, Arrrrrgh - slippery slope material if ever I saw some. Having had just written my post even I found it helpful to have Full Disclosure on the top of my list.
I am also aware that as monos we are sometimes so concerned with our boundaries and rights we forget about the rights of our poly partners. It's one thing to move at the pace of the slowest party but is there a point where this crosses over to unfairness? I guess it also all ties into the area of understanding and respecting the differences between polys and monos.
Last edited by sage; 01-20-2011 at 08:09 AM.