I spoke to my Lover, Redpepper, about commenting on things that I didnít experience for myself. I am uncomfortable in offering opinions as opposed to experiences.
I do have a related experience in this case. During a long but over marriage, my wife did express a possible love for a woman and, thinking only of the sexual aspect, I encouraged her to pursue it. They spent a night together and, although she said nothing happened (and I do trust her impeccably) that was a night I will never forget.
I had a somewhat different dynamic going into it as she expressed her love for me had become more like the love of a brother or child than a husband or lover. Regardless it was one of the most painful experiences of my life.
We reconnected for 11 more years before I screwed up and the marriage ended. It ended because I lost connection with her (and many other things) and did not have a connection with myself to fall back on for strength. I found that connection after my marriage dissolved. Without that connection I could not have met Redpepper and fell in love with her and develop a different love for her Husband as well.
I came into my incredible relationship with Redpepper knowing full well she could love more than one person. It was a polyamorous relationship from the start. That is the paramount difference which enables me to embrace others that are in her life currently and others that may/will be lucky enough to share her love in the future. Everyone she brings into her life is blessed.
Based on my memory of that experience with my ex wife, and putting myself back in that space, I can say I would rather she have left me before pursuing that. It hurt too much to think that someone I had a monogamous relationship with for eight years, (and thought I always would) could desire someone in that way. Honestly, if she had of wanted another man, this would not have been an issue...I would have left without hesitation or option. The sexual excitement of picturing my ex wife with another woman overwhelmed my young mind LOL! I would never have believed she wasn't living in denial and that would have been too much back then no matter how much I loved her; and at that time she was my world.
I fully expect this not to be a popular comment, but it is again, based on my experience. I am not here to say what others want to hear, but say what my heart and mind have felt.
Respect to everyone on this forum.
Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 04-28-2009 at 03:25 PM.