I was having a bit of a panic earlier this week. I have a little book that I have been writing stuff in that I really don't want falling into the wrong hands. I had put it somewhere safe and it was so safe that I couldn't find it either. I found it yesterday so my fears that it might have walked off at the new years party were put to rest. I think in the future I'll just keep it in the same spot so that I know where it is.
On top of that my daughter asked me the other day why her dad has a girlfriend. The only answer I could come up with is "why not". I don't know how she is understanding gilrfriend. She is only 4. Neither set of parents know that we are poly and I figure eventually it's going to be the kids who out us since we don't live in secret around them.
So it's been a week of examining what it means to me if my secrets become public. I don't know how ready I am to face it head on. I don't know if I'm brave enough. On the other side of it I wonder if it would just be easier to be out to everyone and get it over with and know where who I really am stands with people. I know that once I do come out that I can't take it back so I'm still weighing the pros and cons. I'm not ready for the potential drama yet and I'm not sure if I ever will be 100%. All I know is that I'm ready to be honest if confronted with questions.
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.