Originally Posted by mrladyslipper
I am the husband
. . . My thought (knowing him so well) was to email him a simple message (not to much info, just a right amount) and state that we want to come over to his house this wkend and talk about our feelings for him. Maybe not stay to long so he can think about it after we leave. I just dont want to stop over at his place and then bring up the subject (no warning about the subject), corner him in and no place to go. I think this might work well but we have never done this before.
This sounds good. I was thinking along those lines -- that an email could be sent first just to say that there is something important you'd like to discuss. I would not recommend using alcohol (or drugs) as a ruse to express your desires, as I think your communication would be better and come across as more heartfelt if unfettered by a substance. It's different (and absolutely fine) if it happens that way naturally, but as a "set-up" to make uncomfortable discussion easier -- no. It could get sloppy and create something you don't really want.
Anyway, when you do go to his place to talk to him, you could broach the subject by saying how much you've valued his friendship through the years, and express your feelings toward him as a friend first. Then you could go into how you two have been reading about different ways of being in relationship, are interested in exploring new possibilities for your marriage, and have decided to open up your relationship. Then say that you really want to start with someone you already love and trust, and ask if he would consider going beyond friendship with you. You would probably do well to also acknowledge that this is new to you and that you both feel a bit awkward asking, so that puts you all on the same level playing field, and let him know that his decision either way will not affect the friendship that already exists between you.
It still isn't clear to me whether you both want to be sexually involved with this friend, or are only interested in him as another partner for Ms. Ladyslipper only. So make sure you are clear in expressing to him what it is you both want.
Look in his eyes and draw on the friendship you already have to speak to him with love and compassion and, no matter how nervous you are about it, it will be all right.