Wow. Good for you. Hubby does seem sorry with all the attention and gestures. But yes, he does need to talk if that is what you need for this to be worked out. I find some people are better able to do than to talk, but if talking is needed talking it must be.
It's so weird the way he can't focus on you when others are around. Is he socially anxious? Maybe you don't actually fall off the radar but he's so nervous about pleasing the other, less familiar people that he blanks on the one he's most comfortable with. He knows you love him so it subconsciously becomes all about making a likable impression on others? Yikes. I just don't know.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.