View Single Post
Old 01-18-2011, 04:02 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hi again Mahogany,

Originally Posted by Mahogany View Post
I KNOW it is going hurt because of my fears...

He has re-assured me, over-and-over again.....but he is only human...

3. I am afraid of losing him, plan and simple...if I can trust that that will never happen (because of his relationship with her) than I could change my view.
Ok - fantastic hun ! You're being honest with yourself which is huge !
Perfectly natural (if not justifiable) fear. Now you've brought it out in the light. So analyze it.

Ask this..........

Does love mean "possession/ownership" to you ? Do YOU want to be possessed/owned ? Hmmmmmmmm
What kind of a future does a relationship like that offer ? Happiness ? Fulfillment ?

How can you 'lose' something you don't posses ?

But we can 'lose' people's respect and to follow, sometimes, their love, depending on our actions.
But we get to CHOOSE our actions/reactions - right ?

Originally Posted by Mahogany View Post
4. I am afraid of his love growing for her....and as a result his love for me waning That if they are physical this will lead to their love growing, which in turn will destroy my bond with him.
Ok. If you haven't read this or heard it somewhere you will now - and a lot in the future.

Real 'love' does not have limitations ! The more you give it the more grows within you.

This is not cliche - although I'm sure it sounds it. Its fact, verified by millions of humans over countless ages.
Whatever 'bond' you two have, whatever brought you together, the admiration, respect, the components of 'love' cannot change unless you do something to change them.
Many people seem to confuse love with passion, intensity, (we speak here of NRE which rolls a lot of similar elements up in one label). Those things are all transient. They change over time. They aren't 'lost' only evolving.

So you must ask............

What is WRONG with love - someone loving someone ?

A big part of 'love' is what's often called 'compersion' in poly circles. The ability to bask in someone else that you care about's happiness. Because when we truly love someone we want them to be happy ! If something makes US 'unhappy', we have to step back and analyze it before we start pointing fingers.

Will there be struggles over mundane things like time management etc. Sure. But those are all things that can be talked out and worked out by people heading in the same direction. Greed is your biggest enemy here. That belief in ownership again.

I think if you can somehow separate from the emotions and look at things realistically and logically, you'll discover most of your fears are unfounded.
That what you are truly afraid of is YOURSELF !

Most of that discover that a LOT

Keep talking..............

Reply With Quote