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Old 01-18-2011, 06:54 AM
FaerieLady FaerieLady is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 3
Default Advice: my monogamous partner and polyamorous me

Hello all! I'm new to the forum. I was looking around for some fresh perspectives on a problem I have.

Since I was 14, I've known I didn't like monogamous relationships. I didn't understand what my relationship with my partner had to do with my relationship with others. I've hurt a lot of people with my behavior. But I finally got 'better' and stopped cheating, mostly from social pressure and being just too exhausted to pursue other lovers.

I'm now in a relationship of one year with K. He understands polyamory, but would not feel at all comfortable with it. For a while, I've been attracted to a close friend of mine, M, and due to some friends with big mouths, we both know we like each other. He is in to politics and activism, which are a HUGE part of my life- I direct the environmental club on campus, and am involved with a number of other organizations. It's my life, it's my social scene, it's what i spend my time thinking about. It's also something that my primary is not very interested in.

Our relationship has become strained lately, because of my tight schedule, a lot of trouble with his parents, his alchoholism, and my commitment/addiction to activism.

So that's the context. In the past week, I have been hanging out with the other person a lot, being excited to get his texts, having movie marathons, and last night I slept at his house.

I'm having trouble separating these issues out. Some part of me wants to break up with my primary so that I can hook up with this person. It is also confusing that I am having thoughts of breaking up with him aside from the polyamory thing. I feel like I don't want to do monogamy anymore. It doesn't feel right. I still love K, but I am not in the kind of relationship that I want, both because of our problems, and because of the polyamory thing. The other option is to stay committed to this relationship, stop seeing M (difficult because we organize together so often), and work on our relationship. My friends find it so hard to understand being attracted to multiple people, and so I feel like they don't have the perspective to see things the way I do.

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