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Old 01-18-2011, 03:58 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Maybe one day it won't matter as much and I will be fine to drop our sex life because I need to be free to explore options with others without being restricted.

I think about this also...not that it means less to you and you are ok with letting go of the sex, but that I will be ok with letting go of that "restriction". I was ready to do that with my ex wife I think..but not because I loved her more, but because I lost connection and did not value that aspect of our relationship. That is my only fear in all of this. I have no insecurity as the word is often thrown around in poly circles and don't adhere to the concepts of insecurity as it is laid out often. I have lost more than anyone on here (besides you)truly realizes and I fear no personal loss anymore; I will survive, that's what I do. The only thing I fear is setting you up by creating circumstances that in turn reshape my intimate energy connection to you. I have to be careful of this as I have used it in the past.

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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Will this create weird dynamics between us sexually? Will it influence the dom/sub relationship we have? This is what I think about sometimes. I don't want to be in a situation needlessly whereby I feel like you owe me or that I cross a boundary in our D/s life because of resentment or frustration.
Other than me probably not wanting to hear about your encounters with anyone besides PN, Derby and your Tersiary for quite some time, I don't think so. I don't think I would be comfortable talking about any sex I was having until I knew you were on very solid ground....I wouldn't need the guilt of hurting you more on my shoulders.

I don't know what would become of D/S...it's very intimate and I wouldn't let anyone else Dom me in that way. I think that would belong to us in memory. But I now understand our last scene more. There was anger there, it was your turn to release.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Your possible fear and my respect of that. .
I only fear one thing...what reshaping my intimate energy from you would do to your heart.


Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I really couldn't say what I just did in my last post if I didn't think we would make it. Just so you know.
I know
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