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Old 09-03-2009, 12:36 AM
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River River is offline
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
Posts: 2,164

Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
It just gets plain exhausting after a while if people aren't open to it. But hey, it hasn't stopped me in the past and probably won't for a while. Besides, isn't that what I'm kinda doing by starting this thread?
Indeed, it is! And it's a valuable service to the "polyamory community". Insofar as any such thing exists. (I think what we really have is more like a "polyamory discourse," which sometimes manifests as community, here and there. If that "discourse" is often dominated by couple-think and "truple"-think, as some single poly folk are experiencing, one way to begin to address that problem is for both the singles and the couples and the truples, etc., to make common cause -- which shouldn't be too hard to do, considering that we're all poly folk.

It isn't fair to single poly folk when couples, truples, quads and whatnot go about behaving as if the single polys weren't poly folk! And I think it is equally incumbent upon all of the above to work toward the sort of inclusivity you desire. So, maybe you/we have to find allies to help expand the "poly discourse" so that poly folk generally recognize the exclusionary process you're describing? We're very far from a centralized anything, but there are magazines, websites, etc., that allow for the evolution of the "poly discourse" -- which is a pretty new phenomenon, really.

There's a story about the Dalai Lama and Buddhist women which your story reminds me of. The Buddhist women were trying to get the Dalai Lama to understand the plight of Buddhist women, who were tended to be treated as quasi-outsiders and inferiors in the Buddhist "community". When the Dalai Lama finally "got it" (understood that plight), he held his head in his hands and cried! I think of this story when I think of the various kinds of blinders people wear -- and sometimes transcend. It's remarkable both that the Dalai Lama was blinded to this plight and that he was able to see through his blinders in a very human and Earthy sort of way -- and be humbled by his awakening to the terrible exclusionary process in his "community".
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