You can write the word "fuck" here.
You don't have to put in an *asterisk.
she is clearly important to him. so is his freedom. i told him i don't want anyone else right now except you, i don't care who you have sex with but i want to be your most important person. he said he couldn't offer that. he said he loves me and is in love with me, he said he doesn't love her, but he is obviously really into her. i want to be a primary with someone, but i can't be secondary not with him. not after what we had. when it was good it was soooo good.
last weekend he told me he had very little spare time to hang out with me during the coming week, but later i found out he'd already set aside more then 24 hours to spend with her this week.
he invited all of his lovers to his house party at the weekend, all at the same time, by text. i couldn't face it so i didn't go but his three lovers did and apparently it all went really well.
would you not give your lover of three years any precedence over new lovers you've only known three or four months? is this behaviour normal in the poly world?
Have you talked about these things with HIM? Asking advice on this forum will get you the answer "every relationship is different". It certainly does not seem like you ever had expectations of monogamy from one another. Have you discussed with HIM what both of your needs and expectations are from YOUR relationship TOGETHER (not YOUR expectations of HIS other relationships)? Not just mentioning it in passing as situations arise, but purposefully sitting down and having a serious "what are we to each other, where are we going, are our long-term needs and goals compatible when it comes to combining our every-day lives?"
It sounds like you have tried to do this, but that there may be some denial happening on your part (possibly on his part too, but he is not here to tell us what goes on in his head).