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Old 09-02-2009, 08:28 PM
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Originally Posted by XYZ123 View Post
I think what *usually* happens is that a monogamous couple (or even a couple with no agreement of monogamy) forms first and then opens up, either by agreement or by one or both meeting someone else they're interested in. And poly *usually* comes from that.
I think a lot of paradigms are shifting but awareness of that shifting is a bit lagging. I've noticed that in communities that convene around the "poly" identity and label, there's very little awareness of the issues a poly single person faces. It's all about the couples and the triads and the primary relationships and the marriages. Yet I know lots and lots of non-monogamous single un-attached people. I've always found it ironic that some of the most closed minds I've encountered out there were in poly communities and groups.

I'm pretty passionate about community building and work very hard to practice radical inclusion and create inclusive, welcoming communities. One of the tenets behind radical inclusion is that people only become part of any community when space is made for them to be there. Many poly communities fail miserably at making space for single people, so it makes sense that there aren't a heck of a lot of single people to be seen, which leads to most of them thinking there aren't that many of us around when I truly think the reality is different from the perception.

Perhaps poly communities should re-examine what it means to "open up".
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